Part one:
In the beginning of a relationship there is usually a great wave of an uplifting, and then they shower great love on each other. This is what is usually on a normal average level, but let’s assume that the common way of reacting here is not the only way possible to experience love and there is another; higher, more mature. How is the relationship if and when they are on that level?
At this level the energies of love are gradual and get intensified slowly, a person on the high level in a relationship is not giving immediately everything, in an outburst of love. Love on a high, or mature, level – is continuous, steady, without dramatic ups and downs.
Love that begins with high temperature will also suffer from a big drops. So emotional love on a higher level is less hot, less burning, more of fine quality, and mainly steady and stable.
Emotional extremism is not necessarily a sign of healthy and balanced love. It is true that the coldness of alienation (in a relationship) is terrible, but also the other end; of hot emotions, could burn (as much as it could freeze).
The emotions of an emotional mature person (a person who reached a high level in his personal level) – are emotions that got moderated, the warmth is steady and they are in ‘the middle way’ (or ‘middle path’). You can trust this person’s emotions – that will always be there with the same stable giving or acceptance. And this is in contrary to the emotions of a person who is not emotionally mature; that one day his emotions can burn and in the other, it can freeze. With it, moderate emotional giving could be perceived by people with infantile emotions – as coldness and not caring.
The emotionally mature person might not love with passion and impulsiveness – but his emotional expression is containing an important element; human warmth.
Human warmth never burns, it is warm enough to warm in the hard winter of the cosmic and human – alienation. Moderate heat (warmth) is gentle, and gentle emotions connect and ‘talk’ to the soul (for she recoils anything too extreme).
The high (or mature) end of the emotions calms you down.
In this level the emotions ‘live’ in a quiet lake.
Human warmth is close to the soul (calming and securing it). Hot emotions are close to the level of the blood (heating and aggravating it).
The whole idea of emotional maturity, is to pass from the ‘burning’ side, to the gentle and warm side.
If it (the emotions) is too hot, then it puts the soul out of the game.
It is like the difference between a laugh and a smile; laugh is hot, smile is warm. Laugh is a discharge, smile is harmony.
Lugh is aggressive, the smile – gentle. The smile is communicative on the level of the soul, allows the smiler to open up to you from the inside.
(The smile can ‘hug’ without crashing…).
It is not coldness of alienation and of the closing the door, but it says that he will not burn your delicate fuses.
(Gentle people are also deeper, like in the great British theater).
Part two:
The emotions should be a calm lake.
It is like the gold reserves at fort Knox, they are known as the Bullion Depository in the U.S.A. – which operates according to the gold standard. A gold standard is a monetary system in which the standard economic unit of account is based on a fixed quantity of gold. They are not allowed to be touched for they act as a store of value, to support, for the value of the national currency.
But we do not treat our emotions as the Gold in Fort Knox, we all the time use and overuse our emotions and we heat them up with every emotional stimulation and by that – we waste them.
When an emotions gets exited – the soul shrinks.
But cooling the emotion – does not mean to repressed it. Repression and depression of the emotions is to crush them. If the emotions are fire – then depressing the emotion is to turn of the fire, and then we and the soul, ‘freeze to death’. So, the right way is to remain on mild warmth; human warmth.
Quotes:
No one grows up. That’s one of the sickest lies they ever tell you. People change. People compromise. People get stranded in situations they don’t want to be in… and they make the best of it. But don’t try to tell me it’s some kind of… glorious preordained ascent into emotional maturity. It’s not.
Greg Egan
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“So do not ignore your emotions. Instead, recognize them, step back to make sure they are not overpowering your ability to act, and determine how you can channel them to act in a productive manner. If you are able to do this, you will become a master of emotional maturity.”
― Charlotte Maloney, Emotional Maturity: Discover How to Control Your Emotions and Be More Mature.
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Gabriel