Part one, emotional management in two directions:
All human beings has got a great difficulty to manage their emotions. This does not come just by living and growing up, if we don’t learn and practice it, we cannot manage them.
The key sentence here is: what you don’t manage – manages you. And to do with the emotions – the same; either they manage you (usually) or you manage them.
Until a person learns to manage his emotions, they are in a state of chaos. Emotions are a great vitality, that could be channeled so it would nourish the system, but if this vitality is not channeled – it overflows the system and barriers under it – everything.
The ability to manage the emotions is one of the signs for the person having an emotional maturity. And E.M. (emotional maturity), in contrary to physical maturity, is not automatic and does not happen by itself. In a child – his emotions take him over, with the adult it was supposed to be different, but it is rarely like that, for in order to pass from a state of emotional infancy to E.M. – the person has to moderate, restrain and channel the activity of the emotions in him.
If he wouldn’t do so, he won’t be able to be connected to his inner life from one, and to his consciousness level, because his emotions will always take control.
In emotional management there are two dynamic states, and both should be handled and managed well.
State A: this is a state in which a stimuli enters the system and causes a thrill.
State B: an emotion wakes up from within, and goes out of the system and into the world.
In state A stimuli causes an emotion, in state B an emotion is about to express itself.
In state A it is from the outside in, in state B it is from the inside out.
All stimulations and emotions divide themselves into two: positive and negative. Those which cause us a wave of good feeling and those that cause us a wave of not good, negative emotions or feelings.
In good feeling emotions there is no need to manage, for they inflict no damage, what does causes damage are the negative emotions, those one need to learn as to how to manage them. (To manage, not to cancel – there is a difference).
The more the inner life of a person aspire for a higher level (and to actualization) – so there needs to be a greater selection about what enters in.
It is like an entrance into a public place – anyone can enter and be there, but if it is a prestigious office or members club, or a security zone – not anyone can enter.
The level of what is inside – conditions the identity of who would enter.
If a human cell did not have an ability to filter what does not fit it – it would be poisoned long ago.
The membrane of the cell was meant, amongst other things, to filter materials, and it allows only part of the materials to enter in and out. And it is not like that as far as the emotions are concerned; damaging or even poisonous emotions can enter free.
We understand very well that there are foods which are harmful (unwashed fruits, margarine, food coloring and more, also there is poisonous food like certain mushrooms, but what we understand physically- we don’t understand emotionally.
And the moral? Well, negative emotions are like pests in the garden, they can cause damage and therefore they are unwanted guests, they cause a kind of communicational opacity between two communicators.
Until a person is not doing a separation between positive and negative emotions and knows how to filter out the negative ones – the positive side of his emotions will become a victim of the negative ones.
Positive stimuli come in order to reword and refine the emotional system, negative stimuli come in order to harm and cause negative reactions.
The challenge in state A (the entrance of a stimuli that causes an emotion) is not to allow to a negative stimuli to enter in (if it does enter – it causes chaos in the emotional system, and from the view point of a graphic dynamic – a negative spiral is being created).
The challenge in state B (the going out of an emotion towards another human) – is not to allow it to get out of control by reaching high volume. And the parameters that should be managed here, in the expression of emotions, are: the heat, the pressure and speed that are allowed (in emotional expression).
So, in both cases there is a need to restrain and to modify an extreme emotional reaction.
In first case, state A – the restraint is from the stimuli and inwards; when a stimuli (such as insult, a blame, an accusation etc.) is about to create a negative dynamic.
In the second case, state B – the restraint should be done from the stimuli (negative emotion such as: rage, anger etc.) – and out; expression of negative emotions.
What allows, in the two states, the extreme – is the identification of the person with the negative emotion.
The identification causes the expressed emotion to be extreme and to reach distractive volume.
In state A the identification will through the person into a dungeon of poisonous emotional gas. In state B the expressed negative emotion will cause his relationship with another to get lost in the stormy wave of the boiling emotion.
In state A the penetration of a negative stimuli into the emotional system – leads to be locked in a negative spiral. In state B the surrender to an extreme in emotional expression, would lead to exhaustion, because high emotional energies got burnt during the heating of the emotions. And to elaborate about each state, separately:
Part two – state A, a stimuli which causing an emotion.
When a stimuli is reaching the emotions, we can intervene and we can abstain. Intervention is being created by identification with the positive or negative aspects of the emotions.
Identification is to get lost in an emotion, and when it happens the person doesn’t differentiate between the identification and an emotion, they become one, identification a glue. And it is not that both become one, but in identification – the hurt emotion take over and swallows his identity.
Now, from the standpoint of the penetration of the stimuli to the emotional system, the identification gives to the negative stimuli power of movement (it exhilarates it) – and by that allows it to enter into the emotional system. Without this identification – the stimuli would have remained outside. The stimuli (the hurt emotion) could have been created by someone close betrayed our trust, or someone criticizing us, or is answering us in a rude and demeaning way.
The identification causes the entering of a negative (hurting) stimuli to become overcharged. At first stage their effect on the emotional system is of a chaos; as a fox entering a chicken coop. At the second stage the emotions become locked, all freezes and the person becomes disconnected from himself and from a dynamic communication with the other. This state of being locked and then disconnection – is called: personal involvement.
So, the power of the inner echo in the emotional chambers (in response to negative stimuli) – is being created more because of the degree and power of our identification rather than the power of the negative stimuli itself.
So, if we have from one hand a powerful negative stimuli with weak identification – we don’t get much personal involvement, but if from the other hand –we get a weak stimuli and a powerful identification – what we get is a huge personal involvement.
And so, if a person gets into emotional mini crisis (personal involvement) – as a result of a strong echo of the emotions in response to a negative stimuli – It is almost never because of a very negative reason, as for the power the identification with it.
Identification causes us to get lost in the negative stimuli that threatens our emotional peace. We cease to be an entity which is intricate and autonomic and what takes us over is over involvement with the emotional threat (negative stimuli).
Because of over identification with emotional threats (from other people) – we became a musical instrument for this threats and they are playing on us and we echo them with all our might. In fact almost every stimuli is causes us to identify with the positive or negative aspect, but the identification with the negative aspect is always more traumatic as for its influence in our emotional system.
But the news is that the person has got a choice; he doesn’t have to identify, to be involved, and to get lost in the negative stimuli. He can disconnect the power flow, not to let the stimulation have power and by that to eliminate it from being so destructive. Instead of getting near the stimuli and be swallowed it – he can distance himself; create a distance between him and the negative stimuli.
And so, in order to prevent the ‘echo’ and to leave the stimuli on the level of ‘knock’ only (no echo).
What is creating damage is the inner vibration, the echo of the blow and not the blow itself. It I lacking the ability to do harm. It is us who supply the Trojan horse (identification) that allows the blow to turn an inner echo (personal involvement).
This choosing ability is a female (Ying) choice, and it is different from the male (Yang) choice, this one is connected to startup, to initiate, to ignite, to be in effort, to push, to give something – power. Whereas the female choice is to be able to refrain, to stay cool and uninvolved; not to give to anything – power.
The male freedom of choice is moving in space of the external game, whereas the female freedom of choice is moving in the space of the inner game.
The external game is between man and the environment, the internal game is between the person and himself.
Our culture encourages the male freedom of choice, and hardly encourages the female freedom of choice. And so, in our cutler it is easier for a man to actualize possibilities of choice that it is for women.
Part three- state two, the expression of emotions outside.
We have seen in state A that the danger which is lurking for a man that is not ‘operating’ emotional management – is to be trapped in personal involvement. In state B the danger is the speeding and the heating up of the emotions.
In state A the person needs not to identify with his response to the negative stimuli in its journey inside, and to let it die from lack of nourishment.
Also in state B he should not identify with a negative emotion and to let it go out without giving it power and charge from our personal involvement.
In the western culture there is no encouragement for the expression of emotions or for admitting that you are influenced by them and that in your evaluations and decisions there is no room for emotions. And this is from a dim understanding of something right: not to let the emotions to sweep the person into their whirlpool, but this is by a wrong and extreme translation of the correct understanding.
The wrong translation is the execution of emotional repression, when at the same time correct translation is to modify and restrain the extreme expression of emotion.
Above the surface – both; also repression and modification could be perceived as the same; but this is on the surface, inside, in the inner life – the difference could be great indeed.
Indeed the cultural address of the emotions has a right, yet, blurred feeling about the end product, which is: having control over the emotions, not to let them go wild, rave beyond a certain boundary. But the mistake is not in the knowing how the final appearance of the emotions should look like, but what is the road that leads there.
The western culture, and especially its higher ranks and statues, senses that raving and over excitement of the emotions – disturb and flatness the workings of the brain and the mind. And it is true by principle, but there is no existing knowledge and a knowhow as to how to execute it, and in the absence of this we fake it, put a mask of no emotions – on, and inside they keep repressing.
When talked about poles (like the emotional poles – in here, but also any two opposite poles on the same level – nerve, sexual, and mental) – the problem is: how to come to the right balance so that the two poles (negative and positive) would work together (and not against each other). Always the easy and worst solution is to let one pole (usually, the positive pole) full operative freedom, on the account of the other pole. Instead of dynamic synergy – giving dominance to the positive, male, Yang – pole on the account of the other (Ying pole).
Every attempt to develop people above the level of averageness, from one hand, and the attempt to cause a meeting between him and his inner life – must decrease the over activity and dominance of the positive pole, and this in order to allow a better work of the opposite (Ying) pole.
But instead of modifying the positive pole we repress and crush the negative, Ying – pole.
Two things contribute to the wrong imbalance in the emotions; 1. Over dominance of the positive pole, and 2. Annihilation and crushing of the negative female pole. When, I fact, a reversal of polarities should happen; the negative pole should be more charged, while the positive pole will be much less dominant.
But the over dominance of the positive pole (mainly, through the expression of negative (unpleasant emotions) and the suppression of the negative pole – bring about a mentality which is: rigid, dry, flat and lacking vitality and intuition, and the soul becomes locked and with no ability to communicate.
But, there is no need to erase any expression of negative (unpleasant) emotions, such as: disappointment, hostility, anger, grievance and the like – but only to modify and restrain their volume and extremes. The reason for why we tend (basically- males) to erase any expression of extreme emotion more easily than modifying it – is simply because it is much more difficult to modify an extreme than to erase it completely; The passage from one extreme to the other – is easier than the passage from one end – to the middle, because for that we need sensitivity, awareness, attention and an ability for inner control.
To conclude:
The emotions are in a state of chaos most of the time; every negative stimuli is entering in and (by identification) could put the person in and in an emotional crisis (personal involvement). This is from the outside in. and from the inside out – any negative emotion that is expressed outside in a maximum volume – causes a destructive heating of the emotional system. This two is surfacing to the mental system a kind of emotional steam the causes fog in it, and from the other hand – it locks the inner being in a protective dunging.
And now to deepening and widening of those concepts, and in order to do that there are two models: A. the three stages on the way to dynamic. And B, the golden ratio.
Part four, the three stages on the way to dynamic:
Here is the place to expose an important concept in the context of emotional management. The name of the concept is: dynamic. When there is no dynamic – nothing happens and when there is – everything happens, for good or for bad, depending which dynamic it is: positive (good) or negative (bad) – dynamic.
Any dynamic is evolving in 3 stages:
Discrete or manual – separate distinct unites; physical stage.
Groups, or mechanical – happens in leaps, in intervals; magnetic stage.
A flow, or dynamic – automatic, happens by itself, feeds itself, a continuous and ongoing process; electrical stage.
In stage A. (Discrete) there are unites which accumulate – slowly.
In stage B. (groups) there no unites, now, only groups (this is faster than stage 1).
In stage C. (flow) the groups join into one continuous movement. A dynamic stage.
An example: in the process of emotional hurt, stage A is getting hurt, stage B. is the identification and stage C. is personal involvement.
Another example: a couple; first stage is disagreement, second stage is taking it personally, and the third (dynamic) stage is emotional argument (full of blames and being hurt).
In both states; negative emotions are out and negative stimuli in – both are not good for the higher parts in us, they poison our emotions, slowly but surely. A person who wants to prevent the third stage (dynamic) must stop the negative process must stop it at the first stage; Discrete, for this is the awareness stage (before it moves on to the third state and thus became completely unconscious), and here there is still control.
The second stage (mechanics) is already a semi-conscious level, here the person begins to loose knowing as to what is going on him. The last stage is out of our control completely, and because it is unconscious (and thus not felt or registered by the person) – the person is not aware that the negative emotion (such as: hurt, being blamed, attacked, etc.) is continues to spin and get stronger and so bring about most damage (this is only about negative dynamic, for in positive dynamic it is exactly the opposite; it brings about the most benefit).
A man that wishes to manage his emotions must stop any negative dynamic at the first stage; discrete, meaning: before it gets into inertia and thus becomes semi-conscious and then – unconscious.
The problem about the entering of a negative stimuli is that we cannot block it because we do not have an immune system…
In state A. when a negative stimuli threatens to enter the emotional system, the desired response should be to block it before it enters into the second – ‘group’ stage. When referring to ‘immune system’ of the emotions – practically it refers to methods of guided imagery, (one of them is imagining a wall between the negative stimuli and the emotions. And there are more technics).
In state B. when an expression of a negative emotions is loud, extreme and hot, the person has to get out of the picture and cease to give it power, and then it will not pass into the second stage (groups) and will remain in the unaharmful state A. (and then it will evaporate by itself in a short while.
But why it is so difficult to stop the process in the interval between state A. and state B. – well the answer, again, is: identification. It acts as a catalyst for the separate unites in stage A. that are now speeded up into the ‘groups’ stage and then the inertia is so strong – that it reaches the dynamic stage very quickly, and then it moves by itself in a perpetuum mobile, not much could be done at this stage.
Stopping the distructive process in the interval between stage A. and stage B- means stopping it in one third of the way, and when the ‘thirds’ subject (or the 30%) comes into the picture – we arrive at the ‘Golden ratio’.
Part five, the ‘Golden Ratio’:
Stopping a process at one third of the way is obeying an ancient principle; the Golden Ration, or the golden rectangle,
it is also called: the golden mean or golden section, Other names include extreme, medial section, divine proportion, divine section, golden proportion, golden cut, and golden number.
It is simply a proportion which divides the body, or space, or a process – to two unequal parts; one part is one third and the other is two thirds.
Scholars and researchers found out that the Golden ratio appears in many nature phenomenon. It could be seen when looking at the number of petals in a rose bush; it was found out that the proportion between the arrangements of the petals in the outer line – is in a Golden ratio to the line which is before.
If we look at a sunflower we can see that the seeds are arranged in a circular structure which is arranged in a Golden ratio. When looking at spiral structure of a nautilus shell
We can find the Golden ratio between one spiral to another.
There are paintings in which the painters use dimensions which remind the Golden ratio, for example: “the sacrament of the last supper” – by Salvador Dali; the ratio of the dimensions of Dali’s Sacrament of the Last Supper is equal to the golden ratio.
Also in music there is a claim, that musical sound are sounded more harmonious to the human ear – create musical intervals that has the Golden ratio.
This ratio could be found in ancient buildings such as the Parthenon.
The logarithmic spiral (θ = (π/2log(φ)) × log r) is representing the Golden ratio
This spiral (representing the Golden ratio) appears in many fields: Geometry, Botanic, in the formation of crystals, in the arrangement of the leaves around the stem, in the location of the seeds in an apple, in a pinecone, in deer horns.
A use of a Golden rectangle is architecture could be found in the U.N. building in N.Y. the proportion between its height (152 meters) and its widest (95 meters), this is a proportion of 1.621 which is very close to the Golden proportion.
The golden division is only one of three possible divisions:
Dominant division.
Static division.
Dynamic division.
The dominant division: this is when one side has got more than 70% and the other side has got less than 30%. The greater are the gaps between the two – so one side will be more dominant and the other side is dominated), the weak side is being ‘swallowed’ by the strong side. (But the dominant side wants to ‘swallow’ completely the weak side, and so we are left with only one triangle instead of two).
The static division: this is being combined by two equal halves, one is blocking the other, and we have here a status quo. This equation is demonstrated by the seal of Solomon (David’s shield, in Hebrew). This is a ‘cold war’, or: passive aggressive.
C. A dynamic division: here we have exactly the division of 2/3rd and 1/3rd – this is a situation of dynamic synergy. The smaller side allows the greater side to flow but not to take over. This is the situation in a dialogue and a conversational flow. Ideally, the person who speaks gets 2/3rd s and the other person is listening, so he is active only by one third. And, ideally, when the transmitter finished to talk – he passes it to the listener and then they reverse in the proportions. The symbol for the dynamic phase is the Pentagram (which is in the middle of every apple.
We can see in the symbol above that the ratio between the blue lines and the red lines is equal to the Gold ratio (the blue portion is having 2/3rd from the length of the red portion. It is also the case between the blue and the green and between the green and the purple.
The problem with us is that we cannot hold the stick at both ends in a dynamic proportion of one third and two thirds, only in the static proportion (50% and 50%) which is a deadlock, or when the larger side ‘swallows’ the smaller side. And when he is in the golden ratio – a gate is open for him to the next level.
Only in the interval between the discrete level and the groups level – can the negative process be turns into a positive one.
To conclude:
The Golden ratio in a management of negative emotions says that the person should stop the negative process at the first third of the way and then he can turn it to a positive spiral, a growing spiral.
In this essay the Golden ratio was mentioned by various examples, but it is most important is how it apeares in the human system; the wish should be the the human system will be open for a flow, to dynamic, to energy which should pass through all levels. The 2/3rd s should be Ying, female, by nature, and the 1/3rd should be male (Yang), for if the two thirds are male orientated – the flow is topped.
On the planet and in the human complex – the law is a female law, everything flows, so the 2/3rd s should always be feminine. The male aspect – pushes forward, and female aspect is in reception and support. Allowances and the giving of space – are feminine. What exists usually is that male aspect is reaching 90% of the process, (while the female aspect is only in by 10% only, and then there is no flow, all flow is blocked.
.
Gabriel