Things which are most painful – we are the least aware of. Because we don´t want to feel pain.
One of the areas in which we suffer a large amount of pain is the area of relationship, this is a very painful area. There is hardly a person between, mostly at the age of 20 to 30, that doesn´t feel a lot of emotional pain trying to get into a relationship or during it. (And the more sensitive the person is, the more pain he experiences the more he has to block it so the pain will not come to his consciousness).
So, what will be written about here is mainly about emotional pain.
We feel emotional pain quite often, but we don’t have to run away from it. We can say; yes, this area is very painful and slowly become reconciled to it and not antagonistic or resentful about the fact that we got hurt and feel, therefore, an intense emotional pain.
But what is the point of facing the emotional pain instead of shutting down in front of it?
Well, the more one shuts down when there is pain, the weaker one becomes and the more this pain will control him.
But one can immune oneself against pain, little by little, by accepting first of all that we do feel this pain and that it hurts.
The fact that a person disconnects from it, and mostly is repressing it – doesn´t make it less damaging, for emotional pain which is out of our awareness can go wild, and become a personal involvement which could last for days and is much more damaging.
At some point, one could become friends with this pain.
When we get out of emotional pain – we would like believe that it will not come again (at least not soon) and when it does come (usually sooner then what we were expected) we are shocked, therefore one should always be ready for the next wave of pain, this readiness is like an antibiotics for the coming emotional pain, it immunes us against it.
When one faces being hurt (and thus feeling pain) and overcomes it, he gets stronger. We should learn to live with pain and get used it – until the point when we hardly feel it at all.
You should immune yourself with pain against greater pain. Get used to the idea of pain in your life. We are not in heaven, we are in a very difficult place. Especially women are caused to experience a lot of pain. Men have no idea how much pain they cause them. If a woman talks to them about being hurt by them emotionally – they say:” It´s nonsense, you make too much noise of it”
Dilemma: On the one hand you don´t want to be alone, on the other hand when you are in a relationship it is very painful. So what is the solution? You must get used to emotional pain.
In everything that has got to do with truth, we must go through an area of pain first. Pain and Truth are very much connected. Ignoring pain doesn´t allow you to come to truth.
A marathon runner says he doesn´t feel pain anymore – when he runs. It´s not true, he feels incredible pain, but it´s now part of his system, he became adjusted to it. Therefore it doesn´t hurt anymore.
With it – physical pain is actually more turntable then the emotional pain.
There a huge difference between pain which is out of our system and pain that has become part of it; the second kind of pain can actually immune us against a greater pain. When it is out of your system it has power over you, when it is already part of your system you have got power over it.
You can´t become a marathon runner of your emotional life without the struggle with emotional pain.
You can train yourself to get used to bigger and bigger amounts of pain – gradually. A developed person (in the area of the emotions) can suffer pain without being finished by it.
If you want a mature and grown up emotional life, you must go through pain, struggle with it, and suffer it until you become relatively used to it.
The self-protection mechanism happens to you all the time and it´s controlling your life and limits the horizons of your life to a limited area where you feel less pain. The more you limit your life to that area – the weaker you will become. When you overcome the pain you can inhabit a greater area of your emotional life and thus have a greater freedom in your emotions.
One needs to overcome oneself. To overcome oneself one needs to overcome the pains that control oneself. You can´t be the boss of your emotional life if you don´t overcome pain.
You can’t grow up without pain.
Even walking, in the beginning is painful, (pushing against the hard surface of the ground), but we forget, we got used to it.
This life is not for weak people. We need to survive the pains of life, the attacks upon our emotional life.
The most important thing in life is to survive the wars, struggles, the challenges, the pains and hurts – without them finishing you.
Pain is not so horrible, it’s part of growing up.
This place, this world, is not for weak people. It´s a tough world and people are not so nice the way they make themselves look. People can be very cruel, they can be very hurting especially for the highly sensitive.
This life is for warriors. The idea of life is to not to win life, not to get pleasure from life, but actually to survive.
Our parents, when we were young, did not tell us the truth; They´re not saying: Listen kid, life is a jungle, and if you´re not going be strong, other people are going to hurt you. No one educated us to the truth that life is very tough to a lot of people, especially for the sensitive, and especially for the highly sensitive, and a lot of sensitive people get hurt.
Being able to survive is the highest quality possible, taking into account how difficult life is, especially on the emotional level.
Anyone that told you that life could be beautiful and full of harmony was not telling the truth. Almost no one tells us the truth about how difficult life could be for the sensitive and the gentle. Especially for women, especially for bachelor women and especially bachelor sensitive women. Woman are the victims of this cruel life more than men. The way some men treat women is awful. Men cause women much more pain than women cause men. Women hardly cause pain, they´re not as cruel. They seek harmony and empathy. Men are different. They want to win.
It´s not easy, going from ignoring pain for years, to make a switch and say welcome to pain. It takes time, patience, persistence and at best, to get a support from someone that can give you an unconditioned human warmth.
The attitude towards emotional pain should be like the attitude of Heidegger towards death:
“If I take death into my life, acknowledge it, and face it squarely, I will free myself from the anxiety of death and the pettiness of life – and only then will I be free to become myself”.
― Martin Heidegger
Gabriel