On the territorial aspect in power and control struggles)
s:
People live, communicate, have relationships. And under the surface there is a war, a struggle. And the war is a territorial war. Almost every person wants to occupy a conversational, communicative and interpersonal space – larger than he perceives, and the more a person occupies a larger conversational and communicative space – the better, more capable, more connected to himself, more alive he feels.
We are used to seeing the territorial issue and identifying it on the road, in a war between drivers, or in wars between nations and countries. And almost every historian will agree that any country that goes into battle and wins and annexes land to it – thus its economic and social situation improves following the occupation. While the country from which the territory was robbed – the implications of this regarding its internal functioning – will be very negative.
We know that states expand by seizing land area. But how does a person’s personal territory expand in a conversation or in communication? Well, if occupying a physical space means permission to expand physically, then in a normal conversation, or a phone call, the expansion can occur not directly or physically, but through indirect, symbolic means, which are transmitted as signals that are usually not received as messages at all. But their effectiveness in the mental realms is indisputable.
The territorial space in question here is an abstract space from a tangible and physical point of view, but a very real space in the areas of the mind, the ego, the sense of self and the set of interpersonal relationships. There it is not only tangible and real, but its power and influence are the same as a press that crushes a hill, or a tractor that is able to erect it. And our very lack of awareness of the signals and signs that activate that ‘press’ or ‘tractor’ does not detract at all from their amazing effectiveness.
Important point: all of the above refers mainly to relationships from a male perspective. Power and control struggles are the male ‘specialty’. Women look for the common denominator in relationships, the sharing, the empathy. However, the need for mental and communicative living space is a universal human need. But men go to battle for territorial reasons – more easily than women, and the war they will fight will be bitter and more decisive in retrospect.
The difference between men and women in this matter, is not actually the territorial struggle, but in determination, duration, intensity and frequency. It can be said that for men, the territorial issue in human relations is almost a matter of killing and not passing, for women, it is an option to which they are often dragged, mainly by men…
Part II: How does it feel?
A person who receives less living space feels less well, has less energy. This is likened to a person who suddenly receives half the amount of oxygen he was used to breathing until now, or a car engine whose horsepower goes to half the power, or a car that switches to a moped engine, or when the speed of surfing on the computer becomes slower, or perhaps the best example of all is a moped which continues to drive only with the power of driving the pedals (pedals) and not with the power of the engine; The effort increases, and the effectiveness decreases. This is what happens when one’s mental and communicative territory shrinks or becomes limited.
A person who receives less territory in a relationship, or from the other person, or other people – feels: impotent, limited, poor, dull, lackluster, superficial, bland and incapable. Unable to connect with his thoughts, clarify to himself what he wants to say (clarify a point). To be part of the surrounding dynamics or media flow.
He feels as if he has been thrown into a mental dungeon, he does not have the freedom he would like – to express himself, to respond, to realize – communicatively – the full potential of selfhood that lies within him. He feels like a fish thrown out of the territorial waters of his dynamics with himself and others. He felt clumsy and stuck.
At this level (the mental and communicative level) it is likened to a person trying to walk with his hands and feet bound by invisible handcuffs, which allow him a limited freedom of movement of only one centimeter in any direction.
A large part of human communication consists, to a large extent, of people who use various means to increase their mental and communicative territory and the point is that this is always done at the expense of the mental and communicative space of others.
Mental and communicative space is a limited resource. It is also not something given, fixed, that one person has more than others, by its very nature or mental structure, it is a borrowed resource or one that can be taken over. When a person is with others, his ability to control other people’s spatial resources increases his own. A person cannot increase his space (or lose part of it) when he is alone. This transition – from a limited mental state to an expanded one, stuck to abundant, strengthened to weak, capable to limited – occurs only with and through communication with other people. It can be said that the mental and communicative space of a person is found in commerce and negotiations that flow and persist – all the time and with each and every person he meets. Each person may take from him parts of his mental, psychological and communicative territory, thereby increasing his own.
In regular relationships with people with whom we have sustainable relationships, usually the territorial arrangement is based on habits of conversation and communication and every conversation immediately falls into the same fixed territorial spaces of the previous times. And woe to the person with the limited territory if suddenly in the current conversation he tries to increase, even a little, his territorial volume in the conversation. The owner of the large territory will usually react with great severity.
Part C: Life in the territorial aspect
In the world of society and in everyday life there is a huge lack of spiritual and emotional living space. The territory in human relations is very dense, and there is a wild battle for space and living space. And as mentioned, the one who gets more space – becomes freer, stronger and more capable, things come to him and he can happen and happen.
Expanding the spiritual, mental and psychological area – are not perceived or seen as such, they usually come under the guise of rational arguments. For example, during a meeting or discussion – a certain person will insist and is not willing to give up his opinion, his view or his approach regarding a certain matter in the discussion, apparently because of very strong logical reasons, while the real reason lies in the fact that if he succeeds in bending the opinion of others in his favor, his personal space will increase and theirs will decrease
There are some kind of rules
Gabriel