All of us have emotions, but the truth and the problem are that more we having emotions – the emotions have us…
What is the meaning?
Well, the emotions could be in one of two states; in control or going wild. (In most cases – the second is more dominant).
And so much so, that the emotions are spread all over our empire as though it is theirs. Without a serious and honest training, the emotions would continue to rule.
Here is the place to do a comparison between the emotions a dogs. Dogs are all emotions, with us the emotions took over.
What is common to dogs (even the more wild) is that they are subject faithful to the rules in their group belonging, in other words; there is a way to deal, even with stray or wild doge – so they would listen. The same with emotions; they are raw and wild to begin with, but it is possible to communicate and channel them.
Dogs could cooperative or wild or even cunning. Depends where they have tamed or not.
One interesting fact here; it is easy to think that dogs hate taming, the opposite is true, they love it and do their duties faithfully. Even wolfs could be tamed; they can be tamed and turned into pet dogs that follow you. Not only do they act as a companion, they also protect you by attacking hostile mobs.
Without taming, the behavior of the emotions would be according to their primal nature- which is to refrain from unpleasant feelings and to strive towards finding a strong stimulation, and in order to actualize this two, the untamed emotions would easily sacrifice the interests of the person who houses them, and almost the same is for untamed dogs.
Either the dog is ruled by his canidae (a family group) and the Canidae leader – or he is making his rules. So it is with the human; either your emotions manage you or you manage them.
Punishment, either of dogs or of the emotions – not only don’t work, it might lead to worsening of the situation. With dogs it creates confusion, and with human it might lead either to anger or self-guilt.
So, if punishment is not the way to tame? What is the way?
We need to master the right language, either to dogs or the emotions, to transmit the right signs. And be the leader of the pack.
The leader of a dog’s pack (the owner and one dog – is already a pack for the dog), he could be male or female, they must be the ruler, being part of a dog’s pack is not a democratic business, there must be order, hierarchy, and who decides? The leader of the pack (where it is an Alfa male or the owner of the dog/s.
In this social order every dog cooperates with the pack. The leader decides for each dog what the mission he needs to accomplish is. Every dog knows the size of his territory and he follows intently, after the orders of the leader, to be executed immediately, this are the pack rules.
To grow a puppy requires taming that repeats itself 24 hours. In order to show the puppy that you are the leader, you need to use the right body language (‘calm and assertive’) and intonation of voice. You should be very positive in your approach. There is no room at all for negotiation, but all in a totally positive and supporting atmosphere. To be strong in a soft way, this is the way with dogs and this is the way with emotions.
A dog that did not meet a true leader begins to behave as a self-rebellious leader. And one of the ways he rebels is to disregard and avoid the leader, for example before entering a room or a home, an untamed dog would enter in before the leader, he shouldn’t be allowed to do that, there is no room for a dominant or aggressive dog.
So do we need to be in charge of our emotions! We shouldn’t negotiate with them. We need to have an unambiguous position in front of them (for example: not to express negative emotion, not in a hot way, anyway). Very clear what is allowed and what is not (personal involvement and identification – for example).
The emotions need to give space, to relax, to have patience, to follow and orientate themselves to the body language of others.
There is a way to turn them to cooperate and know their place, and above all, to know the rules of goings on. (And the rest of the process of emotional taming, is in the other chapters of this book).
Be the leader of your emotional pack.
The Little Prince: Hey, come and play with me.
The Fox: I cannot play with you. I’m not tamed.
“I am looking for friends. What does that mean — tame?”
“It is an act too often neglected,” said the fox. “It means to establish ties.”
“To establish ties?”
“Just that,” said the fox. “To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world….”
“People have forgotten this truth,” the fox said. “But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed. You’re responsible for your rose.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince