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Almost every person is at a distance of 3 fantasies from: conscious wakefulness, self-actualization, full and authentic life, taking responsibility on his life, an intimacy with the other, and emotional maturity.
Like “Games people play” that are meant to replace intimacy and authenticity – so it is here; this three fantasies allows us to be able to live with: existential frustration, emotional pains, personal disappointments, inner and existential emptiness and a feeling missing the life would could have.
And how does this fantasies allow us to withstand those difficulties?
Well, each time a person stumbles across one of those emotional and existential – troubles, and he becomes emotionally hurt – immediately one of the 3 fantasies pops up. The fantasy allows him to be able to survive those troubles by a whisper of an inviting promise, a promise that says something like: “When this fantasy, will be actualized, then you will know that you did not suffer in vain, because the reward will be worth the frustration and the emotional pains of now”.
Fantasies are the balancing weight to the personal troubles above.
For the person who fantasies, fantasy is a Shure possibly, that he could not imagine his life without. In fact he is convinced, with the whole of himself, and ‘knows’ that the fantasy is a solid promise about the future. So solid that the most horrible thing he can foresee is that in 30 years’ time he will still suffer this emotional-existential dissonance about his present life. To think that the fantasy would not actualize, is a terrible possibly for him.
So far about the weight and the importance of the fantasy in the life of almost everyone.
And now to the details of the 3 fantasies.
Fantasie A: mother’s promise
“My mother promised this: that the world which awaits me will be fantastic, because I and special and I am here’s”.
And because she wants it so much, and believed in it – she engraves it, powerfully, in the subconscious of her child.
She could not bear the thought that life will be difficult for him. And even, God forbid, he might suffer. And in order to decrease the emotional dissonance (about him suffering later on in his life) – she weaves this fantasy.
And so, each time the grown up child experiences a defit, failure or emotional hurt – immediately the balancing promise of his mother surfaces up in him. And this could give him a renewed hope (until the next failure).
Fantasy B. self-work
“One day I will no longer be emotionally bitten and especially I will not be a victim to forceful cruel people who keep hurting me again and again and take advantage of me.
But I can overcome that because I know that I am working on myself, which makes me more mature and mainly I am changing, I will be different one day (not in the far future), and will be strong and in control of my life.
And this self-conviction about the change that I will go through by self-work – is what allows me to suffer now the fact of being vulnerable emotionally and that people keep hurting me …”
Fantasy C. The revenge (or the messiah illusion).
“Those who hurt me and cause me pain now, do not know who I am for real, they think I am weak and thus could be bullied, one day when they would see who I am (a great person), they will be sorry. And then all this suffering will be gone”.
So far the 3 fantasies.
There is a need to understand that not all the fantasies are fit for everyone, it is to do with the psychological state of the person. His psychological state can move from more stable to less stable.
The emotionally stable person – needs fantasy A. (“The world loves me”).
The less stable and the more valuables and sensitive person, needs fantasy B. (“one day, after I worked on myself enough, I will be on top and I will show them”).
And the least stable people are the one who imagine themselves to be saviors or great artists, fantasy C.
At large, for all the three types, the fantasies are vital, (like repression and denial), they allow us to survive the disappointments, the downfalls and the emotional pains – of one’s life.
Without them, they would hardly could make it.
Victor frenkel in his book: “Man’s Search for Meaning” – survived the concentration camp because of the meaning that he had to his suffering. For us it is our fantasies which allow us to survive, and all of them begin with the words: “one day, not far away, everything is going to change”.
And they are indeed allow us to survive, but at the same time they move us away, and puts us to sleep – about our reality, distancing us from the way life really is, and so distancing us from actualizing our real potential, and thus to live full life.